I realized that it just wasn't something that I liked to be apart of, or something that I kind of wanted in my life... No, this was something within that came alive when I am amongst those that I care for the most. Something in me that thrives at being surrounded by ones that I love, trust and care about. Around those that will fight for you, that will protect you, that will help grow you, that will be there for you even when you are in the depths of sorrow, anger or confusion of who you are and what you are doing in this thing we call life...
I remember one of the first times I was living outside of community. I had just got done with an internship in Kansas City, living in a two bedroom apartment with 5 other guys for 6 months, apart of a group of 20-30 people, where we all worked together, served together, ate together... it was challenging, but good... Then the day came when our community had to go our seperate ways. I agreed to move into a apartment with two other guys at the time, however, one fellow was going to be in New York for two months and the other decided to move into another apartment within two weeks of moving in to our current residence. So, there I was, alone in a two bedroom apartment for the next 4-6 weeks. No job to occupy my time, all my friends gone for a season to see their families after a long absence.
I was alone, and I hated it...
For a couple of days I didn't know what to do with myself. I was lost for what people do when you don't have anyone else around. I had grown up with three younger brothers, been living with families and friends, consistently, for 2o years. There was always someone around and now I found myself in completely unfamiliar settings in an unfamiliar place, I was at a loss.
To make a long story short, I ended countless hours playing video games at first, but then found a job and shortly after a another roommate came into the fold and the next 9 months gave me some of my best memories, became a friend and brother and hosted a community so unique that we called it, 'The Sweitzer Commune'.
I tell this story because of the realization of how strongly I desire this thing, this connectedness with people. Not just casual conversations and formal hello's, but sincere connections with those people that you know you will be talking too for years and years to come.
People who you can hug unashamebly, people who will give you a kiss on the cheek even when it isnt your culture and people that no matter how long you have been gone, when you sit with them over a beer or cup of coffee... it feels like you never left :)
